


BOB 117

by vamprav



Series: All the Crack [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All the swearing, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Crack, Gen, Podfic Welcome, The BOBs of the Department of Inventive Comunication, frigga is amused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 02:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19122577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamprav/pseuds/vamprav
Summary: Darcy calmly sipped her coffee as she looked over the list of calls that needed to be made, she was so angry right now that if she didn’t fill her mouth she’d end up making one of the other BOBs cry and then there would be disciplinary action. Darcy didn’t need disciplinary action, she needed someone to yell at but getting in late meant that all of the good jobs were gone.





	BOB 117

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenieKildare](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenieKildare/gifts).



> So, for context, here is the radio show in the chat of which this was concieved, the conversation about it occurs around the 2 hour mark: https://castbox.fm/episode/Frandom-%26-Junk-Fusion-Vs-Canon-Divergence-id2126085-id159998046?country=us
> 
> Glossary:  
> BOB - Bitch out Bitch  
> DIC - Department/Director of Inventive Communication  
> CUNT - Communicator to Unreasonably Non-compliant Targets

Darcy calmly sipped her coffee as she looked over the list of calls that needed to be made, she was so angry right now that if she didn’t fill her mouth she’d end up making one of the other BOBs cry and then there would be disciplinary action. Darcy didn’t need disciplinary action, she needed someone to yell at but getting in late meant that all of the good jobs were gone.

Luckily, BOB 1 had taken one look at the resting bitch face, lack of makeup, and dark circles under her eyes and just handed her the list of people who hadn’t been called in a while. She’d considered just calling Fury but he’d gotten at least 10 calls a day for the last month and the Senior BOBs tended to handle that now anyway.

She could call Coulson but he was still in the hospital and getting him to answer was hit or miss. Plus she wouldn’t get to be as vicious with him.

She could call Senator What’s-his-face but she didn’t really feel like breaking down why he was a stupid cockgoblin of backwards thinking that would get him stabbed in the dick one day.

Darcy felt the styrofoam of her coffee cup creak as she began eliminating each and every name off the list. She paused as her eyes reached the bottom of the list, where the oldest name was.

Odin: For his A+ Parenting.

Darcy stood from her desk and turned to smile at BOB 100, her section’s manager, “I’m going to need the mask.”

There was a very slow nod of agreement and the mask was handed over.

Three hours later there was an audience of fifteen other BOBs standing on the roof as Darcy screamed up at the sky. It was wonderfully cathartic, especially after the other BOBs started calling out suggestions for insults and cheering when a particularly scathing retort lands.

Her voice was starting to fail though and she paused briefly to breathe.

“And another thing!” Her voice cracked slightly around the edges and the Bifrost opened up an inch from her nose.

The BOBs screamed. Darcy screamed. Stark, who’d just showed up to see why thirteen BOBs were standing on his roof, screamed and one of the larger BOBs shoved him behind their back to shield him from whatever was coming through.

When the light cleared and Darcy blinked the spots from her eyes to stare down at the scroll lying at the center of the rune circle. She picked it up, slightly dumbfounded, and unraveled it to read.

“Well,” one of the other BOBs said after a moment, “what does it say?”

Darcy cleared her throat, “To whom it may concern, please stop yelling at Heimdall, Odin has received your message and has been continuously receiving it for the past two hours, as the runner between the palace and Bifrost realized that you were going to take a while. Sincerely, Queen Frigga, current Regent of Asgard.” Then Darcy unfurled the scroll further. “Also, it should be noted that some of the points you brought up were overlooked in Loki Odinson’s original sentencing and will be brought into consideration once a retrial can be arranged as the shock seems to have been too much for Odin at the moment.”

“BOB, what’s your assigned number?” Tony asked from where he was standing, surrounded by BOBs.

“BOB 117.” Darcy replied.

Tony nodded.

 

*****

 

“BOB, why is there a shrine to Loki in the corner?” One of the newbies asked.

Darcy smiled and looked up from her paperwork. The shrine in the corner was a small thing, just a small side table covered in a satin cloth. There was a single white candle burning in front of a framed picture of Loki. Her scroll, the one she’d gotten from Frigga months ago sat next to it on one side and the intricately carved dagger that had appeared on her pillow the day after sat on the other.

“Because it pisses Odin off.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also, this is getting gifted to Queenie because she's also writing a fantastic BOB story.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [BOB 117 [podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19458028) by [litrapod (litra)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litrapod)




End file.
